Respect, love and cherish

So dating... yes I am still thinking about men - they can be so distracting! 

I will admit, the dating nightmare stories are greater in number than the good date stories.

Anyway about a year ago I was devastated by a break-up that was unexpected. As I always try to be honest with myself (even though my perspective and the truth of my feelings change overtime). I did bleed it out a little bit here on my blog; I also worked it through, grew to the other side of it all, and came out a stronger person with less baggage. 

I am always tormenting my forever-hopeful and optimistic outlook with the 'grey area' and the reality of some very dark truths (but let’s not take this post in that direction).

So here are some truths I have learned, established or realized about myself – standards I have set, either recently or have always had:

If I guy says he really likes me, but doesn’t act like it – then I am out of there. And if he acts like it but says he isn’t then I am still not wasting my time. If he isn’t sure if he wants to be with me, I will find someone who is sure that they do.

The dude has to ask me out – I won’t waste my time chasing a guy, if he actually wants me, he’ll ask me out.

If he makes me feel undesirable – I am out of there… shouldn't relationships make you feel desired? Making someone feel undesired is a form of rejection and I won’t chase after rejection – but I will cherish acceptance and the feeling of being desired.

I will not date a married or emotionally unavailable man – what is the point?

I will insist that men keep their word, treat me with respect, and shower me with the appropriate amount of love and affection, if they don’t I am sure I can find one who will.

I will not tolerate angry outbursts or other big dysfunctions – I am not looking to fix a dude. (I will acknowledge small dysfunctions and decide if I am willing to live with it. But big ones? I am not a therapist!)

There are plenty of fish in the sea, I am not desperate, and I can find someone who will rock my world and blow my mind. I deserve it.

I have learned to ask the following questions (in no particular order) to learn if there will be trouble down the road:

What are your fears? Fantasies? Dreams?

How do you feel about the chores in the home and how should they be managed/shared?

Views on money? Spender or saver? Amount of current debt? What store do you spend the most money at and what are you usually buying?

Sex? Sex drives? Fantasies? Preferences?(tee hee)

And I ask myself:

Can I be myself around him?

Are we compatible? Does he compliment me (interact in a complimentary way, not flattery – although he can flatter me all he wants! God knows I do love to be flattered! Lol!)?

Can I tolerate his bad points?

Are there any lil red-flag/warning-signs I should be aware of?

So, are my standards too high?

“You are terrifying and strange and beautiful,

something not everyone knows how to love” ~ Warsan Shire

Yes, yes I am. But the one who learns how to love me, who cannot resist me, who cannot stop thinking of me, who wants to build me up, inspire me, encourage me – he will be rewarded. I am quite the prize (and I know that sounds rather big headed of me – but I am, and I know it).  

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On a side note: while googleing for a clip-art to add to this post I notice that very few clip-art pics look like what I am seeking... very few strong men looking at their woman like she is the best thing that ever happened to them. Saddens me that we live in a world where men don't respect, love and cherish their women. And it saddens me that so many women don't respect themselves or demand respect, don't love themselves or think they deserve love, and do not understand the word cherish, let alone practice it. But it won't stop me from looking for a strong man to appreciate me.