Art with Cause
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Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Keep on keeping on
I know you think: I don't sit home all day in a studio like you do. I don't get to research on the web while my paint dries. My time is stretched over family, work, and other important things.
You should know - time is limited for me as well...
Earlier this year I vowed to myself that I would expose myself a bit more and let myself be more vulnerable because I want my paintings to show my soul and a raw honesty. So in the spirit of keeping it real, I will share with you a bit of my struggle.
I am the busiest unemployed person you will ever meet. I spend most of my day looking for a job (God forbid I miss a great opportunity), and even more time networking. I volunteer at all sorts of things - never want to be accused of sitting back enjoying life while collecting unemployment. I am paying it back every way I can. (and some say I don't have to, but it is the kind of person I am) All this business doesn't change from day to day... I am busy!
...and now more has been added to my plate.
My child plays soccer, which is a huge commitment on a parent and school has started. (Anyone wanna contribute to our fund-raising efforts?) His practices are only an hour and a half long in the evenings, but has taken a huge chunk to time away from me (with transportation... snack and homework before... etc). I am not complaining. I love watching him flourish, but it is honestly harder to create. Just as it is time to pick him up I get this great idea and don't have the time to put it down on paper and by the time I do - it is gone.
Stress sucks creativity out of you. Not having a job or enough unemployment to cover our bills is a bit crippling from time to time. sigh
And my financial buffer that helped us get this far through it (a.k.a. the room mate) is moving out. Which is a whole different set of stressers and time consumers: Sorting out my stuff to make sure her stuff didn't end up mixed in - packing up - boxes everywhere - can't even reach my easel... sigh
I shared all this just to say: I have EVERY EXCUSE (legitimately) NOT TO CREATE.
But I must. I am NOT feeling as inspired as I usually do. But I must keep going. My creations don't have to be amazing. But it must keep flowing from me.
I have been here before and stopped creating. It dries you up really fast. Then it feels like moving a mountain - to pick up a pencil to draw. (If that is where you are, start scribbling!!! You will find your way in practice not in thoughful preparation.)
So I am on this journey to keep on creating.
I will share with you my struggles along the way. Maybe it can inspire you - maybe I will fail and you can see where I took the wrong turn. Maybe it is all a waste of time for you. Maybe it is just for me that I share - keeping me accountable for my actions.
All I know is I cannot stop creating. I dried up and it killed me. Yes, I died once and now have been given a second chance at life. (an abstract story for another time)
So, I am off to crochet - I can reach my yarn even if I cannot reach my easel. Something will pour out of me...
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